Friday, April 30, 2004

Work, Work, work

I'm sitting here just opened a beer. My friend due here in an hour. Hubby left early this morning. All I've done this week is work. Tuesday I did laundry, Wensday Shopping, Yesterday packing. Now that I'm alone what did I do all day....... Yep work. It's so unlike me. I guess I wanted tonight to be special for Our friend and I( just a reminder It's a friend that hubby and I have 3 somes with. Hubby knows he's coming and that will have sex. It's fine with him as long as we don't have intercourse because I'm trying to get pregnant. We have oral and anal. He's no Dom but he's black so he really knows how to beat my ass. That might be an unfair generalization sorry. LOL Should be fun.) Anyway He's allergic to cats so I vacuumed the carpet, the couch changed the cat litter and straighten up. LOL I feel like a sub waiting for my master to come home lol. Now he called he'll be late. Storms are moving in. It may Hail. Wonder how the weather is where hubby is. I'm so far behind on everything. Haven't checked my sites I check everyday, or blogs or mail in 2 days. It will problably take the rest of my alone time to catch up.
Oh well. I'm going to get some done.
I think I'm alone now..........

There dosen't seem to be anyone one around................ LOL
Hubby left for his fishing trip 4 day to my self. ............Well except when my friend is here. Read below.

Thursday, April 29, 2004


But that's ok cuz that cat knows. Yep hubby will be gone 4 days 3 nights fishing. We are together 24/7 so sometimes we do need time apart. I need time alone. Most of the time I'll be alone but our friend that we get with sometimes going to come spend time with me. Don't worry hubby knows he's coming and that will sleep together. I mean we have sex with hubby in the room so why not when he's gone. Him(our friend) and I hardly have any alone time so it will be good for us too. I hope. We fight sometimes. Anyway I thought I'd have so much time to do what I want but I seems all this time I've spent getting him ready I got behind on everything . I'll problably spend all my extra time getting caught up Gaining no time. That sucks. Well, I'm really tired from getting everything ready, my back is killing me. I think I'm going to bed early.
Here is a little more info on me from My deviant art account.
Current Age: 33 going on 24
Current Residence: Fort Worth Texas
Interests: photoshop, paintshop, Starting Over(NBC), TutorialsPS7 PSP,collecting pics,Spanking, BDSM, Movies,
Favourite movie: Grease, Pearl Harbor, LOTR, Harry Potter, Story of O, Exit to eden
Favourite band or musician: Tobey Keith, Martina Mcbride
Favourite genre of music: Country, 70's, 80's, POP
Favourite artist: Lisa Frank, nenne, vk, realism, amarys chaosartifex,nimra, aleksandra, foreverdelayed
Favourite photographer: kittyann,suzi9mm
Favourite style or digital art: All kinds realism, portraits, dark, fanstasy, erotic, fetish, traditional, historical, photography,
Operating System: XP Home but 98 SE is best
MP3 player of choice: Musicmatch
Shell of choice: I prefer fettucini uh would that be internet explore 6.0. Is that what shell means?
Wallpaper of choice: I change all the time. dosen't everyone? But i don't upload new ones.
Skin of choice: windows blinds but they messup simply transparent. Skins and Plus! don't work right on my pc
Favourite game: Neopets, Rollercoastertycoon, the Sims, Zoo Tycoon, sea world tycoon, space colony
Favourite gaming platform: pc, Nitendo64, Super nitendo, regular nitendo, atari 2600 LOL
Favourite cartoon character: Betty Boop, tweety, tom and jerry, disney, looney toons
Personal Quote: Do on to others as you would have them do to u. If you can't say something nice Don'tSayNothingAtAll
Tools of the Trade: pic taken after dec 2003 are from my new Olympus Stylus 400. Photoshop, paintshop, pencil. crayon

Feeling Guilty

Sorry I have no time to write today busy with housework, shopping, laundry and getting hubby ready for his fishing trip. So I'll so you something I wrote a few weeks ago for my Starting Over group.

Lately i've been feeling guilty about not working. As I've said
before my husband and I are both disabied. He's in a wheelchair and works for radioshack. He works at home. I walk pretty well and get around
pretty good.I've been staying at home all these years since 1997 when I
graduated junior college. I've used the excuse that he may need me and the excuse
that I'm afraid to work. It's ture that he sometimes does need me. He can't
go to the bathroom by himself. He might need me to turn off his network box
on his pcif he's having trouble. I'm there to answer the home phone and
door. But I do still feel guilty at times. He has never told me I should work.
In fact we just talked about it and he said he'd rather me be here.But
money is still kinda tight but we do still have some fun money. But I still
feelguilty. I have a fear of working. I ride public transportation and it
could take 2 hour each way looking for a job. Then after the interview I'd be
standing outside the place in a dress and dress shoes unconfrortable with no
place to sit for an hour or more. Then as I said the other day my fear of crying at everything. I cry way too easy. Then my fear of getting people mad at me. I how could I
handle a boss coming down on me for something? I'm 33 and only had one parttime
job. I worked in a church nursey. I was fired because I was disablied.
Having disabilied people working in the nursery was "a less than perfect
picture of a church nursey:" I'm sure that plays on my fears too. The turth is
that I am pretty capable of doing many jobs. I'm just scared and maybe I
don't want too. I know that the truth is that I do work. I'm a caretaker, a
housewife, and want to be a mother soon. But I still feel guilty. Hubby takes
care of the money wise and I take care of the rest. We take care of each
other. But I still wake up at night and feel terrible. A job can define who
you are in many ways but I feel like a no one. I feel like all our families
and friend judge me and say "she could work she's just too lazy" It's true I
am Lazy. I'm not a very neat housewife. Another reason I don't work ir a have
herinated disk in my lower back and neck. But I still could work. I
just feel guilty.

Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Question of the day????????

If a sub likes to be spanked can you use spanking as a punishment?????

Please comment and let me know what you think.
Subject: The Donkey

>Be sure to read to the end!!
>One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried
>piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do.
>Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be
>up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.
>He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all
>a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well.
>At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.
>Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.
>A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well.
He was
>astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his
>the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and
take a
>step up.
>As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the
>he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was
>amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and
>trotted off!
>Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to
>getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each
>our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wells
>by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.
>Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
>1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
>2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
>3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
>4. Give more.
>5. Expect less.
>NOW --------
>Enough of that crap . . .
>The donkey later came back and bit the shit out of the farmer who
>tried to bury him. The gash from the bite got infected, and the
>eventually died in agony from septic shock.
>When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always
>back to bite you.

I'm really not a sub, I'm more of a BRAT. I love to fight my punishments and be forced to do things. I do have fantasies about being a sub. But I'm too Selfish and strong willed. I'm even selfish in my fantasies. I never please others in my fantasies. In fact I don't DO much in my fantasies. Everything is done to me. Don't get me wrong I know others need attention too. I don't mind pleasing others. But In my head it's always about me, I know selfish HUH. I don't think that makes a good sub. Do I ever think I might want to be or could be a sub? UMMMM Maybe. I greatly lack discipline in my life. I've always been that way. I dream of a DOM/daddy to come put his foot down and help me. But I'd problably resent it at first. I've always looked as BDSM as a game not real. I'm not sure I could or would make it real. Hubby and I have tried playing in Dom/sub and we still do sometimes but he being in a wheelchair he can't phyiscialy control me like I'd like. When I get spanked I want to be held down to take it not be told to stay still, I already do that.

I got into BDSM through spanking. I like pain I like to be hit places. I like the impact but not so much the sting. I'm open to trying other things. Even trying being a sub.

I've been told I'd be a good Dommee. But I'd rather be done to. Ugh! There we go again. I want to be done to so a sub usually does for master. But I don't see a sub spanking and torturing the Dom. I'm confused and don't know what role I belong.

Monday, April 26, 2004

Site of The day

If you like spanking videos or have never seen any and would like to here a site for you. spanking videos
As I've said Hubby and I are both Disabiled. Alot of Things are hard for us sexully. Hubby and I love each other very much and are happy in our marriage. Sometimes it seems like we are more like friend than anything. There is really no "passion" there. We have sex rather than making love. We aren't real touchy feelly. A quick kiss and hug is about all that we interact touching wise. Once in awhile we will cuddle. It just dosen't come natural for us. Him being in a wheelchair makes it hard to just reach out to me. If we are in bed it takes him great effort and time to reach out and touch me. Don't get me wrong we do have sex. Not often about once a week. For along time we didn't have intercorse. We tried along time ago but it was difficult for me to be on top. He can not be on top which I miss. We only did oral and manual for years. Recently we decided to get pregnant and tried intercourse again. I was shocked that It wasn't as hard as it used to be. We are tring to get pregnant now.

I wasn't a virgin when we met. I'd been with a few other. He was a virgin but had done oral. Growing up I love to play house anf school and be bad and get spanked. I loved to watch Little House on the prarie and imagine I was Laura and Pa was going to spank me. He was alway loving but firm
After hubby and I married I cheated on him. Yes it was stupid. I really just want a guy on top one more time. I mean I did like the guy we where friends awhile first. Well I ended up telling him. We worked things out. I vowed not to go behind his back again. And I haven't. I told him I like to be spanked and he has always tried his best to spank me as well as he can. He can't hold me down or be forceful in anyway. He can't spank with his hand or anything light. But with a paddle or brush he can do good and really hurt.
This life work good until....... The best and worst invention ever. The one that kept me from getting a job after graduation, The one I couldn't live without now. Your using it now. Yes in 1997 we got a computer and internet. It didn't take long to discover sex, spanking, and BDSM sites. We both loved the pics and movies we found. I met other spankos. We soon began talking about meeting other people. It turned out we were both bi-curious. He only interested in oral with a guy. No kissing or anal. We started having thresome with guys. Mostly people into spanking and BDSM. I wanted a DOM/daddy. We've been with about 6 or 7 guys. No one has worked out yet. There is on long time friend who happens to be black we are with sometimes though. I can't have intercourse now though since I'm trying to get pregnant. But oral and anal is fun. But i really like the guy on top. We haven't find any women interested.

Sunday, April 25, 2004

Web Site of the Day

If you like seeing good art or desktop stuff. It's the place for you. It's got art, photograpy, wallpapers, skins, photoshop and paint shop plug-ind and presets, flash movies, skins, stock photos, poety, themes and other resouces.
my gallery is here my deviantart homepagedeviantart
TV Show of the Day

Starting Over.

Starting Over is the best show on TV i think. It a reality show where women of all walk of life go to Start there life over. It's on NBC weekdays Usully about noon, but so people see it about 1 a.m. Six women at a time live in the house. There are 2 life coaches. Right now the is one pregnent girl trying to decide rather or not to give up her baby. She was homeless before she moved on the house. She's due any day.

Another woman if trying to find her father she's never met. She's also dealing with her mothers death which may.....MAY turn out to be suicide.

There is a mother and daughter team trying to fix a terrible relationsship.
A woman trying to get of welfare and another trying to start a career.

I's helpful to see them complete assignments given by the coaches. It's my favorite show. You can find more here
Starting Over
Nightmares, Dealing, Forging, Letting go, Forgetting.

Yesterday I told you about my mom but you'd think I'd have night mares about it I don't. My nightmare mostly involve the time right before I quit school. I'm failing and can't do amything about. it In the dream I'm always scared, panicing, If I quit I May be to old to go back. I can't quit I can't pass. I can't go back. I So Scared. I'm trying to fix it but can't. Plus in the dream I have to catch the school bus to go home. It's along walk from my last class to the bus. I can't make it before the bus leaves.But I need to go by my locker to get my books Or I will fail because I don't have my home work.If i miss the bus I have to wait about 3 hours until my mom gets hom. These were common fears the whole time I was in school. Not having time to go to my locker might have been part of the reason I failed. I'm disabiled and couldn't carry all those books. I had this dream last night.
Another common dream is fight with my oldest friend. We knew each other since dipaers but we so different. We didn't get along alot. She was snobby.I haven't seen her since my wedding in 1993 Only talk to her a few times years ago. WE should have been friend forever. It still hurt she didn't want to keep our friendship. I had a dream about that too last night.
The last dream I have a lot is my best friend that died.I'm always trying to find her. It some sick Joke someone playing on me. I didn't get to go to her funeal. I didn't find out until 2 weeks after she died.
I'm also have a problem dealing with a cousin. Once she got married she didn't want anything to do with any of her dad's side of the family. My side. I don't know what we did to make her hate us. I've seen her 3 times in 13 years. She saw grandma 2 times in that period. She lives close. I called to ask if she was coming to my wedding. She Said no. I asked Why she said Just because. I was shocked she was at grandma's funeral. I kinda did think she belonged there. Her parents problably made her.
Any Mom's death is still hard to deal with but I don't dream about it. Strange.

Thanks for listening. I now this is not about SO, but I believe these group are also good to help and discuss our problems as the SO women's.

Last one My Art Intro. This is the LONG one
Hi here is some info about me. First, I'm not really an artist. I'm not good at taking pictures or creating art. I'm just trying to have fun here which is what the Internet should me. I know I'm not good so most of my stuff will be stock so anyone can play with it. I don't care just please tell me if you use it so I can see. If you want to use something that's not stock ask I'll probably let you. You can tell alot abot people by there favorites check out mine. I have lots of interest. If you want me to put you on my watch list send me a note and I will.
OK - about me. I'm Buttercreamkinkykisses. I turned 33 on June 24, 2003. Born, raised and always lived in Fort Worth, Texas. I've been married 10 years to hubby. We are both disabled (with Cerebral Palsy). I walk pretty well but have a slight speech impediment. He is in a wheelchair. He can eat, write and do most things himself except for walking and transfering. We are trying to have our first child. We do not drive but ride special busing. He works at home for Radio Shack. I stay home to help him if he needs something plus I have jobaphobia. LOL. I have an Associate of Arts degree from a Tarrent County Junior College. We have 3 pets, A 5 lb. Deer Chihuahua name Tia Fawn, a calico Callie Patches, and another cat named Cyber Link. I'm Obsessive Compulse. LOL. Can u tell?.
I've said it in my last jounal, I'm no artist. I can't draw a straight line on paper or the pc. Partically because of my cerebal palsey. However, Been here has inspired me to "play"with photoshop and paint shop. I got new version of both. I couldn't figue out how to download and install gimp.
I think all the brush, filters, styles,and actions you can download is SO COOL. If anyone has any tips for a talentless beginer let me know. I Love tutorials too. I'm always looking for new coloring pages, tutorials, filters, styles, brushes, anf actions.Ok I'm off to play, experiment, and most important have fun which is what it's all about right. I am going to take a photoshop Class Feb 17 th to March 4th. I have several photoshop books now too.
I love exortic fetish, bdsm, nudity, spanking, and Alt lifestyles. If you want to know more send a note.
I love collecting all kinds of pictures including portraits, fantasy, unicorns, Pegasus, chess, checkers, clown, mimes, Alice in Wonderland, jesters, baby animals, faces, erotica, castles, lighthouses, neopets, cat like creatures, dog like creatures, horse like creatures, wizards, crosses, crucifixion, Goth, vampires, Anne Rice, harry potter, Lord of the Rings, Star Trek, Star Wars, elves, eyes, rainbows, mazes, Lisa Frank, angels, ferrets, zebras, tattoos, wonderland, beds, Religious, devils, Dream imagery, Alien life forms, Fairies, Landscape, nature, Magic and Sorcery, spells, Mythical Creatures & assorted Monsters, Photo-/model based compositions, or photo realism, Romance, Emotion, Love, Centaurs, colorful picas, graffiti, hot air balloons, Indians, kites, medieval paintings, mosaics, masks, mermaids, renaissance art, snow scenes, soap operas, teddy bears, unicorns, Victorian art, volcanoes, witches, wizards, wolves and more
My 100+ facts
Everyone is doing this now. I love using eveyone else and checking what applys to me. But I decided to do my own. Please feel free to use mine. Also send me any if I don't have it in my about me entry.Only read if your open minded and mature. Only read if you want to know the REAL me.
Stuff Deviant art should add to Devious Information...

Favorite television show: Full House, Little house on the Prairie, General hospital, All My Children, Port Charles, American Dreams, ER, Third Watch, Smallville. AHHHHHHHH too many to list
Favorite Actor: John Stamos, Michael Landon
Favorite Actress: Finola Hughes Melissa Gilbert.
Favorite colors: Dark blue and Bright yellow together, Dark colors, rainbows
Favorite Clothes: Causal, Denim, Shorts, Sweats or nothing
Favorite hobby: Collecting Stickers (I have 13 photo Albums full and have been collecting since 1981.)Collecting pics
Favorite Foods: Pizza, Fried Chicken, Pasta, ice Cream, Butter Cream icing
Favorite Flowers: Yellow Rose, Orange tiger lily with black Spots.
Favorite number: 11
Idea for Deviant artist: I have this picture in my head of 4 clowns looking down at the camera or viewer. Surrounding it in a circle. I mean looking from four corners. I wish some could paint it or take it for me
From *frail: (changed some)

if I were a _____________
Date: November 11th 1111
day of the week : Thursday or Saturday
time of day : 11:11 AM
planet : Saturn
direction : South
liquid : Diet Dr. Pepper
stone : rare one
tree : weeping willow
bird : colorful parrot
tool : hammer
plant : fern
kind of weather : Snow
historical figure : Laura Ingalls Wilder
mythical creature : Unicorn
animal : some sort of Wild cat,
sea animal : Dolphin
color : Royal blue or bigt yellow
emotion or mood : Pleasure
musical instrument : piano
sound : children playing but not too loud
element : fire
car : A blue sports car with a yellow lighting bolt
song : "Butterfly kisses"
sin : Lust
movie directed by: Steven Speilberg
comic strip character : Betty Boop
piece of furniture : a featherbed
vegetable : broccoli
food : butter cream icing
place : Disney land
material : denim
taste : butter cream icing
scent : vanilla
religion : Christianity
word : fun
object : computer
body part : here use your imagination
facial expression : smile
subject in school : Art
cartoon character : Betty Boop
shape : heart
number : eleven
My 100+ facts
Insturctions copy and paste into your jounal. put *OR BOLD
the one that apply to you or delete the ones that don't.
1. My mother commited sucide when I was 20 she was 40.
2. My best friend Died of a heart attact at 20. She had 3 kids the youngest was 1 week.
3. I have cerebal palsey.
4. I have socialphobia
5. I am obsessive compulsive.
6. I've only had one job in my life and it was part time.It was in a church nursey and the got rid of me cuz I was disabiled.
7. I love to be spanked
8. I like pain if I recieve it willingly.
9. I like Kinda an Alternative lifestyle.
10 I'm a nudist.(kinda)
11. I'm agaist censorship.
12 I'm somewhat religous. Jesus is my saviorbut I don't go to church. Church people can be the biggest hypicrits.
13 my favorite pizza is not with tomato sauce but with garlic butter, chicken, itilian sauage, pepperonii, breakfast bacon and tons of cheddar chesse.
14. I'm very shy, introvertive, but talkive.
15. I have lots of books but never read.
16. I'm extremly sentive, get my feeling hurt real easy and cry very easy.
17. I used to be a shoplifter not now thank god.
18. My 5 lbs chihuahua is my pride and joy.
19. I kinda hate my cats. mostly one of them
20. I occasionly smoke pot. maybe one every to or 3 months.
21. I love to drink.
22. I'm trying to get pregant. don't worry I'm not doing 20 and 21 when trying.
23. I hate to go to School. I never went. Once I messed 56 day in a year.
24. I never knew my dad.
25. I like porn.
26 My hubby is in a wheelchair and can't walk.
27. I'm afraid of getting a job.
28. In graduated junior college where I majored in psycology minored in religon and socialogy.
29. I made bad grade(vc's d's f's) in school until I quit and went back then I mostly got A's and B's
30 I weight about 200lbs and am about 5'2.
31 I hate myself sometimes
32 I desprately want to be accepted as I turely am.
33. I'm a terrible liarer and rarely lie.
34. growing up I wanted to be a teacher now if I were to get a job it would be with kids of computers.
35/ I feel like a terrible person sometimes.
36. Over all I think I'm a good persons
37. Besides pot and prescription drugs I've only done drugs once.
38. I have many issues and problems.
39. I like people to know everything about me.
40. I think my mom was abad mom even though she didn't abuse me, drink, do drugs, party, or have guts around.
41. I idolize my grandpa.
42 I'm an only child.
43.I'm addicted to soap operas.
44.i'm addicted to diet dr. pepper.
45. I'm lazy.
46.I've lived here almost 3 years and still haven't finshed packing.
47. I have no pics on my wall
48 I hate cooking.
49.I love sleeping and dreaming.
50.Little house on the prairie is my favorite show. I fantatize i'm laura and I've been bad.
51.I have a brown thumb.
52 I don't bathe as much as most people cuz I don't go anywhere or see any one but hubby often.
53. my IQ is 110.
54. I feel stupid for telling you all this
55. I'm a child at heart and love childlike stuff.
56. i collect Stickers.
57.I love kids.
58. I have an inferiority complex
59. I'm obsessive Compulsive.
60. I love food that is bad for you.
61. I hate food good for you.
62. I have no friends of my own right now they were all hubby's friend first.
63.i love learning.
64. i hate exercise.
65. I have a speech problem.
66. I walk funny.
67. I have always had a good skin complexion.
68. I'm a causal dresser. I don't care about fashion.
69. My computer is in the living room. I always work on the pc and watch tv at the same time. I live in this chair.
70. I care too much about what people think.
71. I hate chatting on line but should more to make friend.
72. I'm looking for a DOM.
73. I'm addicted to techtv's call for help and screensavers.
74.I'm a bbw. I do think I'm pretty despite my weight and disability.
75.I love thril rides.
76. I love thinking games but hate games where you just walk around a board.
77.I'm sorta bi.
78.i've done M/F/M
79.If I could do anything I'd dance and do gymnastics.
80.I'm insecure
81.I'm an only child.
82. I'm a night owl
83.I love rpgs but hardly play them.
84.I love creamy foods.
85. I love Tv and movies.
86. I hate coffee.
87. I love creamy foods.
89.'m not a good housekeeper.
90.'m taking a photoshop class soon.
91. I only cuss at home with hubby.
92.Chicken, pizza, steak, pasta, cheese, ice cream, and chicoalate candy, cake with buttercream icingare my fav foods.
93.I love sims game.
94. my brain never stops working. I wish it would shut up.
95.I've only been out of texas twice.
96. I love collecting pics on my screenpaver screensaver.
97.I appectiate a nice body male or female.
98. I've never been with a girl.
99.I hate snobs and arrogant people most.
100. I'm very open minded.
101. I hate judgemental people
102. I'm terrible with spelling grammer and typing.
103 I was a very good kid. I never hardily got in any trouble except for not going to school and not doing my chorus.
104. I;m a spoiled brat.
105. I have hernated disk in my lower back and neck
106.My fav resturants are Olive Garden, Red Lobster,China Jade, and Bamboo garden drink of choice is beer but I like wine, pina coladas with tequilla, and coke or egg nogg with rum , tequilla, or crown royal.
108.I sometimes take too much prescription drugs and/or over the counter drugs to sleep or feel good.
109.Growing up I had an imaganary friend named Duh..... This was before the expression Duh started.
110.When a memory plays in my head I don't want to deal with comes to my mind I say stupid things to my self like " i wish this day was over", "I wish everyone would leave me alone( mostly the time I'm alone when this happens)", " Ihate my life" , and even sometimes "I wish I was dead"
111. I like weenie and cheese cooked in the microwave.
112.I used to cook sliced cheese in the oven by it self.
113. I like frying roast and brisk in a skillet.
114.I like cooked honeycombs cereal.
115.Neither hubby nor I can drive. favorite perfume is White diamonds. I also like vanilla and lavander sense
117. Hubby and I met on our transfertation disabled bus system
Other peoples 100 facts
1. I hold my breath often without thinking about it.
2. I'm making a book of only nursery rhymes.
3. I love dinosaurs.
*4. I have a terrible time making friends.
I have a hard time trusting people.
*I feel like most people can't/wont understand me.
I just don't think most people are interesting.
5. I love kung fu movies- good and bad.
6. I belong to 2 political action committees:
Straight Talk America PAC (John McCain's group)
JAM PAC (against censorship)
7. I have a subscription to Marie Claire.
8. I talked to Anne Rice for about 30-40 minutes once. I've spoken with Harrison Ford before too.. but very briefly.
9. I desperately want to travel around the world.
*10. I can't bring myself to get rid of any books that I own.
11. I have a younger brother who's 18 yrs. old named Tim.
*12. I eat with my hands whenever possible.
*13. I cry very easily.
*14. I love drawing with big Crayola markers.
*15. I've lived my entire life in the Dallas metroplex.

100 Things about me:
1. Copy this whole list into your journal.
2. PUT A star by the things that are true about you.
3. Whatever you don't Star are false
(I couldn't figure out how to bold so I changes it to put a star by.

*01. When I was younger I made some bad decisions
02. I don't watch much TV these days
*03. I love psychadelic mushrooms
*04. I love sleeping
*05. I have loads of books
*06. I once slept in a toilet
*07. I love playing video games
*08. I like marijuana
*09. I watch porn movies
10. I watch them with my father
11. I like sharks
12. I love spiders, I think they're adorable, especially the ones with bright colours on their backs
13. I was born without hair and I still have no hair
14. I like G. Bush
*15. People are cool.
16. I have changed a lot mentally over the last year
*17. I have a lot to learn
19. I carry my knife everywhere with myself
20. I'm really really smart
*21. I've never broken someone's bones
*22. I have a secret
23. I hate snow
24. I drink only milk
25. I drink too much water
26. I hate microsoft
*27. I love Chinese food
*28. I would hate to be famous
*29. I am not a morning person
*30. I wear glasses
31. I don't need glasses, except sunglasses
32. I have potential
33. I'm pure Japanese
*34. My legs are two different sizes
35. I have a twin
36. I'm wearing a padded bra
*37. I can ramble on about absolutely nothing
38. I'm left-handed
39. I hate llamas, but I'm one of them
40. I don't like horror movies
41. I suck at climbing, but I love it anyway
42. People hate me usually. eh, probly
43. I love pop music
*44. I hardly ever go to bed before midnight
*45. I hate parking fines
46. I know national anthem of my country by heart
47. I know more than two languages not good at them but
*48. I spend too much time on the computer
49. I often want to throw out the computer in a window
*50. I live on a ground floor ... sort of...
51. I don't like chocolate
*52. I'd like to be more original
*53. I've lied
54. Cocks are my favorite birds
55. I want to conquer the world
*56. I wonder what happens when you die
57. I've read all books about Harry Potter
58. Eat your dog!
59. I love to exercise. only if I get time
60. I hate chemistry with a passion
61. I love to write
62. I like changes
63. I hate going to class
64. I am afraid to die
*65. I hate dish washing
*66. My hair is long, brown, and incredibly curly
67. My nails are nine inch long
68. My favorite color is black
69. I like to sleep on the floor
70. I am hopeless at cooking
71. I sucked my thumb when I was little.
*72. I should be doing somehting else rather than writing this
*73. I am online a lot, but not in MSN
*74. I hate government
75. I don't have a girlfriend/boyfriend
76. I'm too nice for my own good.
77. I love to read, I read as much as I can.
78. I don't trust newspapers
79. I like debating
80. I live in a vagon
81. I clean my room once a month
82. I'm scared of american fast food
83. I have a third eye
84. I love Mozambique
85. I don't trust any religion.
86. I used to play with barbies because all the other girls were doing it
87. I wanted to be a super hero when I was little.
88. I like listening to wind chimes sometimes... others I want to kill them
*89. I'm very disorganized
90. My hair is long and straight
91. I earn a lot
92. I don't like spicy food
93. I keep a diary
*94. I can't do cartwheels
*95. I am very lazy sometimes.....
*96. I'm sarcastic
97. I think my hair is annoying
*98. I'm very sensitive
*99. I love being "ab-normal"
100. My left eye is violet and my right eye is a light blue.

Current Age: 33 going on 24
Current Residence: Fort Worth Texas
Interests: photoshop, paintshop, Starting Over(NBC), TutorialsPS7 PSP,collecting pics,Spanking, BDSM, Movies,
Favourite movie: Grease, Pearl Harbor, LOTR, Harry Potter, Story of O, Exit to eden
Favourite band or musician: Tobey Keith, Martina Mcbride
Favourite genre of music: Country, 70's, 80's, POP
Favourite artist: Lisa Frank, nenne, vk, realism, amarys chaosartifex,nimra, aleksandra, foreverdelayed
Favourite photographer: kittyann,suzi9mm
Favourite style or digital art: All kinds realism, portraits, dark, fanstasy, erotic, fetish, traditional, historical, photography,
Operating System: XP Home but 98 SE is best
MP3 player of choice: Musicmatch
Shell of choice: I prefer fettucini uh would that be internet explore 6.0. Is that what shell means?
Wallpaper of choice: I change all the time. dosen't everyone? But i don't upload new ones.
Skin of choice: windows blinds but they messup simply transparent. Skins and Plus! don't work right on my pc
Favourite game: Neopets, Rollercoastertycoon, the Sims, Zoo Tycoon, sea world tycoon, space colony
Favourite gaming platform: pc, Nitendo64, Super nitendo, regular nitendo, atari 2600 LOL
Favourite cartoon character: Betty Boop, tweety, tom and jerry, disney, looney toons
Personal Quote: Do on to others as you would have them do to u. If you can't say something nice Don'tSayNothingAtAll
Tools of the Trade: pic taken after dec 2003 are from my new Olympus Stylus 400. Photoshop, paintshop, pencil. crayon

MY ADULT PROFILE Actully it's a personal. Only read if your and open minded ADULT
Fort Worth Texas Couple ISO Of bi Dom or Dominatrix OR COUPLE

Disabled married couple looking for White unmarried male or female or married couple in the Dallas Fort Worth area (Preferably FW) to play with. Ages 30-45 only. Must be BI-curious, or bisexual. Must be in to slight bdsm or D/s in a mix way of play and seriousness. Must be into spanking for play and slight discipline. Female likes to be spanked and DOMed. Looking for long term fun. No quick meeting. Must get to know each other first. My name is AEl and I am 33. My husband, JE (42), and I have been married 11 years. We are both white. We live in Fort Worth, Texas. Have no children yet, but are trying.. I guess the first and most important thing you should know is that we are disabled. We both have Cerebral Palsy. JE is in a wheelchair and can not walk at all but can do a lot by himself. I can walk pretty well but I have a slight speech problem. People can understand me most of the time. We are both a little overweight (around 200 lbs.), and about 5"1', but still fairly attractive. AEs bra size is 40dd or 44d. JE's penis size is an average 6 in. He graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with a Bachelors of Arts in Sociology and is a work at home agent doing technical support on computers. I graduated TCJC with an Associates of Arts. I am not working now.. We both consider ourselves BI-curious, Wanting to experiment playing with the same sex but still prefer opposite sex. AE is not quite a sub but more of a brat. Will play sub. Can switch but inexperienced. JE is not dom or sub but will act as spanker. We both like to give and receive Oral sex from the same sex but not too experienced. Love giving oral to opposite sex. We like to shave our genitals but don't keep them shaved most of the time. We both prefer others to have Shaved genitals but if not that's fine. We are social drinkers, only on weekends. We do not smoke cigarettes and not big fans of those that do but that is not an instant dismissal of application. We do smoke marijuana about as often as we drink but not quite. If you don't, we will not around you. We try to always practice safe sex (condoms as well as birth control). We are disease free and are tested regularly. In our spare time we enjoy playing board games, "get to know each other" type games, watching movies, watching TV (voyager, soaps [GH, PC], Sports[football, Baseball.], going out to eat (all kinds of foods), and listen to music (Country, rock, 70's).
Well, if that information still kept your attention, I'll tell you what we are looking for as far as sex goes. We are looking for a white single from the local area between the ages of 30-45. I like to be spanked and that must be part of our experience together. In sex, we are looking for someone who would want to be with both of us, not just me (or him in some cases). We are really looking for someone who is BI-curious or Bisexual. The male/male contact should include touching, and oral sex, but NO kissing or anal sex. With AE anything goes. We would like an experienced spanker and Dom type. At least one of us enjoys or are interested in trying age play, algolagnia (love of pain), asphyxiaphilia (breath play), auto erotica (masturbation), BDSM, blindfolds, bondage, breast torture, bruising, candle wax, chastity devices, chains, Chinese balls, collar and lead, corner time as discipline, cupping (suction of the skin), dacryphilia (arousal from tears), depilation (shaving), discipline, dildos, domination, D/s, Dom SUB, Electrotorture (EMS TENS units), feathers, fisting, gangbangs, handcuffs/shackles, hair pulling, masks, masochism, nipples, oral fixation, paddling/spanking, play rape, Play School, play house, power exchange, the rack, religious (nunplay, priestplay), roleplaying, sadism, scent, slave/master, tongue fetish, "toys", vibrators, voyeurism, whips.
Picture Found Here
If we sound interesting and fun to you and you think you meet our desires, please fill out our form and send it To

To fill out form
1.From web page highlight the form right click to copy text, open mail right click to paste to mail fillout.
2. from mail highlight form press reply then fill out.

1. I am a
( ) Male
( ) Female
( ) Couple. If you are a couple, please check couple and check your sexes then have you partner fill out a copy of this also.
2. I Am
( ) Straight
( ) gay
( ) Bisexual
( ) Bi- curious
3. My age is
4. I am.
( ) Married. Spouse will NOT be involved Please explain why we should consider you even though you are married
( ) Married. Spouse will be involved
( ) Single
( ) Divorced
( ) Separated / or soon to be divorced
( ) Seeing someone seriously. Please explain why we should consider you even though you are seeing someone.
5. Do you have custodial care of children?
( ) Yes
( ) No
6. I live in
( ) Fort Worth
( ) Dallas. Please tell why we should consider someone at that distance
( ) Other. Please tell where and why we should consider someone at that distance
7. I am
( ) Dom
( ) Sub
( ) Switch
( ) brat
( ) None
8. My Experience at giving spankings is
( ) None. Not interested in that
( ) None, but willing to try
( ) Little
( ) Average
( ) Above average
( ) Expert
9. My experience in threesome/swinging is
( ) None. Not interested in that
( ) None, but willing to try
( ) Little
( )Average
( ) Above Average
( ) Expert
10. I would enjoy giving oral sex to someone of my own gender.
( ) Yes
( ) No
11. I would enjoy receiving oral sex from someone of my own gender.
( ) Yes
( ) No
12. I DO NOT mind getting involved with someone with a disability, in a wheel chair, has a slight speech impediment, is between 175- 225 Pounds.
( ) Correct
( ) Incorrect
13. I drink
( ) Do not drink
( ) Social drinker. Once or twice a month
( ) Average. Once a week or so I like to drink 4-8 drinks (This is us)
( ) Drink more than average
14. Do you smoke?
( ) Yes
( ) No (We do not)
15. Do you do any recreational drugs?
( ) Yes
( ) No
( ) Discuss later
Please tell what and explain.
16. My Body type is
( ) Small
( ) Medium
( ) Large (This is us)
( ) Heavy
17. My weight is

18. My height is

19. I am how strong
( ) Not very
( ) Average
( ) Pretty strong
( ) Real strong
20. Women Only: Bra Size
21. Men Only: Penis Size
( ) Small under 5 inches
( ) Medium 5 to 7 inches (This is my husband)
( ) Large over 7 inches
22. Do you shave your genitals?
( )Yes
( )no
( )sometimes
23. Do you prefer others to have
( ) shaved genitals
( ) unshaved genitals
( ) does not matter
24. Your race
( ) American Indian
( ) Asian
( ) Black
( ) Caucasian
( ) East Indian
( ) Hispanic
( ) Middle Eastern
( ) Various
( ) Other
25. I am very open minded and open to the sayings "what happens, happens" and "let nature take its course". (Note this will NEVER Include Male/Male Anal Sex)
( ) Yes
( ) No
26. We have two cats. Are you allergic to or have a dislike for cats?
( ) Yes
( ) No
27. We prefer to chat with people in a chat environment rather than e-mail. Do you have any of the following?
( ) AOL or AOL Instant Messenger; If so, Screen Name:
( ) ICQ; ICQ #
( ) IRC Name
( ) Yahoo! Pager Name
( ) Other Chat program. Tell which and id

28. I like to
( ) Play board games
( ) Play get to know each other type games
( ) Watch movies
( ) Watch TV (list favorite shows)
( ) Go Out to eat (what kinds of foods are your favorite?)
( ) Go to clubs/ bars (What Kinds?)
( ) Listen to music (What Kinds)
( ) Other interest
29. Do you practice safe sex (mainly condoms)
( ) Always
( )I try to always but some time in the heat of the moment I forget
( ) Sometimes - Depends on the situation. Never during oral, but necessary for penis to vaginal contact even though I am disease free.
( ) Never
( ) No, because I don't have VD.
( ) No, because I can't have children.
30. Are you disease free?
( )yes
( ) no
31. Questions, Comments, Complaints, Advice, Anything else you want us to know? Here is your space to tell it all.

32.. The following is a general alternative life survey taken from We just want to get some ideas in what you are interested in trying. DON'T PANIC! We are not into most of this. Some of it we don't even know what is. It is just good to know where people draw the lines in the beginning.

Check any of the following you are interested in exploring.

DW= Don't Know NW= No Way MB= maybe In= interesting
Y=yes OR you can just leave it blank

Erotic e-mail exchange
( ) Phone fantasies
( ) Performing only (little/no contact)
( ) Watching only (little/no contact)
( ) Active participation
( ) 24/7 (Total Power Exchange)
( ) age play
( ) acucullophallia (being cut)
( ) algolagnia (love of pain)
( ) altocalciphilia (high heels)
( ) arse (ass) play
( ) Asphyxiaphilia (breath play)
( ) auto erotica (masturbation)
( ) BDSM
( )blindfolds
( ) blood
( ) body hair
( ) bondage
( ) branding
( ) breast torture
( ) bruising
( ) caging
( ) candle wax
( ) chastity devices
( ) chains
( ) Chinese balls
( ) cling film
( ) cock and ball torture
( ) collar and lead
( ) corner time as discipline
( ) cross dressing
( ) cupping (suction of the skin)
( ) dacryphilia (arousal from tears)
( ) denim
( ) depilation (shaving)
( ) diaper fetishes
( ) discipline
( ) dildos
( ) domination
( ) D/s Dom SUB
( ) ears
( ) exhibitionism
( ) Electrotorture (EMS TENS units)
( )feathers
( ) fisting
( ) gangbangs
( ) handcuffs/shackles
( ) hair pulling
( ) klismaphilia (douching/enema)
( ) lace
( ) latex
( ) leather
( ) masks
( ) masochism
( ) nipples
( ) nurse/doctor fetish
( ) oral fixation
( ) paddling/spanking
( ) play piercing
( ) play rape
( ) Play School
( ) play house
( ) piercings
( ) power exchange
( ) the rack
( ) religious (nunplay, priestplay)
( ) retifism (shoes or boots)
( ) rimming
( ) roleplaying
( ) rubber
( ) sadism
( ) scent
( ) slave/master
( ) tongue fetish
( ) "toys"
( ) transvestitism (cross-dressing)
( ) urolagnia (watersports)
( ) vibrators
( ) voyeurism
( ) whips
Thank you for taking the time to fill out our questionnaire. We will get back to you as soon as possible. Please send this form to!!

All about me and my stickers
I'm 33. I've been collecting stickers for 20 years. I own I have never swapped before because I lived in an apartment and they only provided a small slot to put our mail in, and I don't drive (I am disabled. So now I finally have a house so I can now put stickers on my mail box to send. I am married no kids yet. Anyone remember sticker magizine in the early 80's know where I can find some? I'm interested in sticker slams, reg slams, and decos.

stickers( been collecting for 20 yearssince 1981) Swapping stuff, freebies, free stuff, decos, slams, sticker slams, catalogs,clip-art collecting (so send me any pics you want.) clubs, yahoo groups, Neopets, newletters,mailing list, Auctions, Stationary, snailmail,desktop themes, wallpapers, The Sims, Roller Coaster Tycoon. pogs, round robins, nefc, scapbooking, friendship books, games, computer stuff, lisa frank, kids, art computer programs

Sticker Preferences:
Likes: individual stickers, teddy bears, unicorns, Lisa Frank, Stickers from the 80's.mystik, angels, biblical, black panthers, cats, Wacky Packages, colorful space pictures, colorful pics, clowns (especially one with four clown faces together with heads together in a circle), collages of different things, dolls, fantasy, famous paintings, GENERAL HOSPITAL, graffiti, hot air balloons, Indians, kites, lighthouses, LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE, Lisa Frank art, medieval paintings, mosaics, masks, mermaids, Pegasus, product characters, rainbows, renaissance art, snow scenes, soap operas, teddy bears, unicorns, Victorian art, volcanoes, witches, wizards, and wolves.
Dislikes: sheet stickers (they are OK but not enough individual ones around).
Hobbies: Stickers (For 20 years), rocks, stamps shells, clipart (On PC), dolls, stuffed animals, Lots of things

I decided to put all my intros up today So everyone can Get an idea Who I am. There are five total. Here is number 2. I wrote it as my Intro for my starting Over Group

I'm a 33 year old with Cerebal Palsey. I live in Fort Worth Texas. I walk pretty well but a speech impediment. I'm overweight. I'm married to a man with Cerebal Palsey too. He's in a wheelchair. I've never had a job because I fear working. My self-esteem is very low. I cry very easy and my speech gets worse. I'm very sensitive. I'm most like PJ on the show. I'm very smart with a Junior college degree. My mother committed suicide when I was 20. I'm not close to my family and have no friends of my own. They are all hubby's friends. I like staying at home to help hubby when he needs it cuz he works at home. We are trying to have our first child. I have a mild social phobia. I'm also somewhat obsessive compulse/ I'd like to see someone like me on the show. I'd apply but hubby would have no one to take care of him
Yay!!!!!!!!! I got a counter and comment service. Man was that hard to figure out.

Saturday, April 24, 2004

I've got about 4 versions of my story an the net. I'll post them all soon but here one Well, of course, it started before I was born. Mom had a thing for married men. She slept with 2 of my aunt's husbands. My dad was married and had 3 girls, the youngest 10 months older than me. Mom dated one guy since I was born who was also married. Mom didn't tell anyone she was pregnant. On the day I was born, Mom jumped off a Cliff (possibly just a diving board I've heard conflicting stories). Some say she was trying to kill herself then. I think it's possible. She wanted a boy but she didn't get that. She said in her diary she didn't know what she would do if she gave birth to a disabled child. Well, she had to face that too. I was 3 months premature and had Cerebal Palsey.She wanted to give me up for adoption but my grandpa and aunt talked her out of it.` We both always lived with grandma and grandpa. Growing up was not too bad. Mom NEVER drank, did drugs or abused me. But I was a timid kid and just yelling at me was all the punishment I needed. I was a good kid. Except for sometimes not doing my chores and not going to school ( I once missed 56 days in a year. She wasn't there to make me go. She was at work. Grandma couldn't make me. She could hardly punish me but she tried. You can't ground someone that never goes anywhere. I had few friends. This went on in middle school and high school). Anyway I still think I was a good kid too afraid to mouth off. Mom hardly went anywhere. Occasionally early on but less and less as I grew older. She hardly took me anywhere but shopping (weekly), Six Flags and Wet n' Wild (yearly). I only went to a sit down to eat resturant about 7 times before I met hubby. We did go out to eat but only fast food. One time I wanted to go to a class taught by the Blue Birds for babysitters who wanted to work with children with special needs. She wouldn't take me. I mean that could have been a career starter. I never had any extra after school activities like sports or band or anything except Girl Scouts.We were close in a way though. I talked and she listened but didn't offer much help with any of my problems. We had long philosophical talks about life though.If you asked my aunts and uncles They'd say she was a bitch and that's mostly true. But she wasn't all bad. She spoiled me about as much as a poor fmother with an only child could. I had pretty nice x-mas and stuff. I guess she was there for me in some ways. Anyway that gives you an idea of she and I when I was growing up.
Over the last few years of her life she went out less and less. Even missing family Easter and Christmas gatherings a few times. When I was a Senior in high school I was still missing too much school and I Knew that year I had screwed up too bad that I couldn't pass. I quit. I went back the next spring semester for myself and missed less and made good grades. Mom had NOTHING to do with this. Anyway this is when it all started. The year I went back Grandpa died in 1982 - long since gone. Grandma was not able to do much. I got my first (and only) job working in a church nursery. Mom refused to take me to work. My aunt had to pick me up. She worked there too. Two weeks before graduation it all started. She quit her job. She had the same job for 14 years. She never tried to get another. I told her now that she wasn't working she could take me to work. She did but Mom hated to drive so she always sat outside in the car reading while I worked rather then drive home. Mom drove me to my graduation baccalareat thingie and waited out side. I had to practically drag her to my graduation kicking and screaming. She didn't want to go. The next few months was uneventful for us but money was getting tight. In August we had a car accident. It was the beginning of the end. The car was damaged so it was not drivable. We weren't hurt. She went home and went to her room and stayed there. A month or so later we knew we had to something about her. My uncle offered to pay to get the car fixed if she would look for a job. She said no. We had no choce now. We put her in the hospital mental ward. It was a county hospital. She once called crying to say she was sorry (she never cried) but in that stupid place if you eat, make your bed, and do as you're told you are sane. She was home in 2 weeks but nothing really changed. I was doing everything myself - cooking, cleaning, and shopping for the 3 of us. Money was real tight.The next Jan. I met my furture hubby and I started dating. Feb 28. was a great day but awful night. The night before I got mad at my grandmother for turning off the heater in the bathroom when she knew I was taking a shower before work. I said loud enough for mom to hear "Ya'll don't appricate all I'm doing". Mom came running out of her room screaming "I've been looking for an excuse now I have one!" She ran out of the house. I went to work. My aunt called grandma and mom had come home. From work I went to my boyfriend's for the night because we were visiting a college out of town the next day. What fun we had that day but..... afterward I went to work and we had no kids that night in the nursery. Thank God. My boss came in and I knew something was up. She knew. Just then a driver of the transportation system I ride (who was a minister) came in and told me to call my boyfriend. I knew. Yes, she had killed herself. She used the pills from when she was in the hospital. She refused to take them. I told her to keep them in case she wanted to start taking them the way they were intended. Man, I didn't mean all at once. Big mistake. Anyway I did not want to deal with a funeral. She didn't want one anyway. She didn't want people to see her. I gave her what she wanted. God, I don't know why I gave her what she wanted she didn't deserve it. I never saw her body. No one did but grandma. God, how I hate that she did it when only grandma could find her. I wasn't surprised. I just went on with life. I went back to work the next Sunday. She os buried in a county cemetary with no grave marker. No closure though.
My grandma went to a nursing home in April. She died 7 years later. Hubby and I moved in together. That August my best female friend died. Hubby and I married 3 years after we met. He's disabled too and in a wheelchair. I walk pretty good but have a speech problem. I went to college. We got our own house a few years ago and are now trying to have a baby. I may try to find my father someday.

my desktop
This wall paper in by Daniel Hammonds . It can be found here His page is here PAPER
Just a blog for a boring person that enjoys Spanking, Bdsm, kink, Starting Over (an NBC tv show) Neopets, art, Deviant art, Photoshop, computers, Movies,Tv. And alot more I am disabled with cerebal palsey. My husband is too. I'm his caretaker. I don't work. We are trying to get pregnant. And we live an Alt lifestyle. Read for more.

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