Tuesday, April 27, 2004
I'm really not a sub, I'm more of a BRAT. I love to fight my punishments and be forced to do things. I do have fantasies about being a sub. But I'm too Selfish and strong willed. I'm even selfish in my fantasies. I never please others in my fantasies. In fact I don't DO much in my fantasies. Everything is done to me. Don't get me wrong I know others need attention too. I don't mind pleasing others. But In my head it's always about me, I know selfish HUH. I don't think that makes a good sub. Do I ever think I might want to be or could be a sub? UMMMM Maybe. I greatly lack discipline in my life. I've always been that way. I dream of a DOM/daddy to come put his foot down and help me. But I'd problably resent it at first. I've always looked as BDSM as a game not real. I'm not sure I could or would make it real. Hubby and I have tried playing in Dom/sub and we still do sometimes but he being in a wheelchair he can't phyiscialy control me like I'd like. When I get spanked I want to be held down to take it not be told to stay still, I already do that.
I got into BDSM through spanking. I like pain I like to be hit places. I like the impact but not so much the sting. I'm open to trying other things. Even trying being a sub.
I've been told I'd be a good Dommee. But I'd rather be done to. Ugh! There we go again. I want to be done to so a sub usually does for master. But I don't see a sub spanking and torturing the Dom. I'm confused and don't know what role I belong.