Sunday, April 25, 2004

Nightmares, Dealing, Forging, Letting go, Forgetting.

Yesterday I told you about my mom but you'd think I'd have night mares about it I don't. My nightmare mostly involve the time right before I quit school. I'm failing and can't do amything about. it In the dream I'm always scared, panicing, If I quit I May be to old to go back. I can't quit I can't pass. I can't go back. I So Scared. I'm trying to fix it but can't. Plus in the dream I have to catch the school bus to go home. It's along walk from my last class to the bus. I can't make it before the bus leaves.But I need to go by my locker to get my books Or I will fail because I don't have my home work.If i miss the bus I have to wait about 3 hours until my mom gets hom. These were common fears the whole time I was in school. Not having time to go to my locker might have been part of the reason I failed. I'm disabiled and couldn't carry all those books. I had this dream last night.
Another common dream is fight with my oldest friend. We knew each other since dipaers but we so different. We didn't get along alot. She was snobby.I haven't seen her since my wedding in 1993 Only talk to her a few times years ago. WE should have been friend forever. It still hurt she didn't want to keep our friendship. I had a dream about that too last night.
The last dream I have a lot is my best friend that died.I'm always trying to find her. It some sick Joke someone playing on me. I didn't get to go to her funeal. I didn't find out until 2 weeks after she died.
I'm also have a problem dealing with a cousin. Once she got married she didn't want anything to do with any of her dad's side of the family. My side. I don't know what we did to make her hate us. I've seen her 3 times in 13 years. She saw grandma 2 times in that period. She lives close. I called to ask if she was coming to my wedding. She Said no. I asked Why she said Just because. I was shocked she was at grandma's funeral. I kinda did think she belonged there. Her parents problably made her.
Any Mom's death is still hard to deal with but I don't dream about it. Strange.

Thanks for listening. I now this is not about SO, but I believe these group are also good to help and discuss our problems as the SO women's.

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