Friday, May 14, 2004
Yep, I'm still dealing with the same struggles. Church, baby, bdsm. I think if we have a baby I need to start back to church. I need God in my life as I go though prengancy. I want to bring a child up going to church. I need to improve myself. I think Church might help me. But How can I go to church when I do 3somes or bdsm with others besides hubby. I don't no rather to stop it all now, or wait until I truly feel convicting too. Or just continue doing both. I think when I have a baby the bdsm 3somes stuff will fall end anyway. We don't do much as it is. But what if I stop and never get pregnant???? Though all this some interesting has answered my ad. I think I should explore both now and see what happens. If I feel God wants me to stop I will. Some say as long as you love God that's all that matters. We might try to go to church Sunday. Hubby's afraid if we walk his chair might break down but riding our transportation system takes forever. I'll problably change my mind Saturday night or Sunday morning. I hate getting up in the morning. We got two churches we can explore near though. Don't worry if I start going I'm not going to turn into one of those that try to save everyone. I hate those people. I won't ever preach to you just tell how I feel about me and God. I've near been good at witnessing. I feel we have been stagnant in our live since 1997. Nothing has change except getting a house and dog. Hubbies job has changed some but it's the same company and has been working at home since before 1997.
I'm also working on my weight. I weighted 205 Sunday. I've been on Atkins for a few weeks but really have only been trying to cut carbs not doing it by the book.
I'm struggling to improve myself with no help, no answers, no guidance.