Saturday, May 08, 2004


I posted part of my last entry about the baby to my Starting Over Yahoogroups. Everyone there has said I shouldn't have one. Hubby and I have been doing alot of talking about it. I went to bed at 3:30 crying we started talking. We talk until 7 when he got up for work. We've talked alot since I got up at 2:30(please don't start about me not getting to sleep that late if I have a baby. I know that I'm not an idiot. I got no sleep last night and I don't have a kid now.) Anyway we've talk and I've cried and cried. I just want to make the right decision but everyone is saying NO DON't. The truth is no really knows me and what I'm really like. Opions are like assholes everyone has one. I know everyone might be right but they maybe wrong too. I knew that what people would be like over there but figured people could be more supportive here. I problably shouldn't have wrote it. I feel if we do decide to people there will not be happy for me and be supportive. I think I could be a good loving mom. NO PARENT is perfect. I mean the love for my new dog is so intense how could I not feel even more so for a baby( I believe a pet can be a pet or a pet can be more like a child) My dog is not just a pet.) Some people can be cruel in what they say. But some people maybe judging on our disability alone. Closed minded people don't think disabiled people should reproduce. I know another couple who are worse of phyically then us had 3 kids. Yes they are divorced now but I don't think they were as good as people as we are. He was an ass.) From what I heard there marriage wasn't solid from the beginning like ours. Anyway they some how manage with 3. We'd never be stupid enough to have more than one unless we wait awhile ( i'm not saying people that have more than one close together are stupid but I know I'd be stupid to.) Like I said maybe They are right but maybe not. The thing is We're going to do what We're going to to one way or the other. I just hope I can find support there and here and there is We decide too. I've heard all the horror stories and have work with babies in a nursey. I know I'm a loving compassionate person. Having a baby isn't easy foy anyone no one is perfect. I Strong feel We'd be betterr than alot of people. We're not going on with blinders on. We've been talking, thinking and working at if for several years now. I believe people can change and do. That includes selfishness, immaturity, and lazyiness.I CAN change. And yes I need to do that before I have baby. People can be too hard on them self. How do people know i'm not just being to hard on my self. Maybe I'm not as bad as I make myself out to be.
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