Monday, May 10, 2004

UP AND DOWN, UP AND DOWN
I was down friday night, down saturday, down sunday morning, up sunday afternoon, up sunday night, down before bed sunday, down monday morning, down monday after noon, better monday evening, tonight I'm still somewhat down. All over the baby thing and the Starting over group. Post have stop on the subject over there about it but the things they said still hurt. Saturday night i went to sleep at 11AM work up at 2:45 am and didn't go back to sleep. Last night I went to bed about midnight work up at 8 in a terrible mood. I didn't want to clean or have company. I went back to sleep 10 to noon. I got up an force my self to clean. I've been in pain since last night with my low back herinated disk and pms. Beer helps the pain. I really don't drink much only when hubby is off the next day and when he was away. all this about the baby issue. I cuz I worry and care so damn much what people I never met and that really don't know me think. I let them get to me. Tell me and make me feel like a horrible humanbeing that doesn't deserve the right to reproduce. I'm the kind of person who really want to be accepted for who I truely am. I'm a dirent person online then in real-life. They will never know who I really am just how I present my self her. My sis-in-law, my hubby think I can do it. I tired of it now. I need to get pass it. Maybe it's all just PMS. but maybe I have PMDD(what ever that other period thing is.) I wonder if I could be bi-polar or manic depressive. I know I'm Obsessive Compulsive and can get depressed soon. OH well. I'll quite now getting more drunk. Sorry for rambling. Sorry for not spell checking to drunk.Oh we did Have "FUN FUN" last night but not spanking cuz of my back. nothing to really write about it though.
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