Monday, June 14, 2004

BIRTHDAY BLUES
My 34 birthday party is this Sunday. Every year hubby and I like to have B-day parties because it's the only time we can get both families and our friends together. This year I made the mistake of picking Father's Day. I never had a father so I didn't think about it. We invited 41 people it's down to 24 people now. Almost everyone coming is his friends and family. I have 2 Aunts, 2 Uncles, and 2 cousins here close. But only an aunt and uncle are coming. The ones that are not coming( parent and 2 grown kids. Are having a family BBQ just them. I invited all 5 of them. One of my cousins is a real bitch. She hasn't had anything to do with my side of the family. I don't know what this family ever did to her to make her hate us. She didn't even come to my wedding. The reason She gave "just because". I just found out yesterday she and her hubby split up. I guess she just got tired of being married. They were together 13 years. Anyway only 2 of my 6 members of my family are coming. The other two were think of not coming but I kinda guilted them into it. I see all my family at most 5 times a years, most the time less than that.
Last night I got jealous because hubby has new friends to go out with. I thought he said he was planning to go every month to the deer lease. I got mad. We only have 2 Saturdays a month to do stuff. I don't want to give that up every month. I don't mind every couple of months. A fight broke out. I realized I hardly have family of my own and all but one(SMACKAVILLiE)was his friend first. Most are men that we sometimes get together as a couple but I won't say I was really "friends" with there wives.I got really depressed and was crying. I called both uncles and told them how I was feeling. The ones that weren't coming still aren't. Hubby and I also discussed if my city would start having bdsm meetings and parties. I always figured he would ALWAYS go with me even though it's not it thing. But Last night he said he would go to some but problably not all. This upset me. We discussed my interesting bdsm and what I need.
BY THE WAY
We are meeting a potential 3some partner next tues. He is a BI DOM.



SMACKAVILLIE
Haven't heard from him since Saturday. I dunno. Maybe I'll call him tomorrow. I want to get it settled but my b-day party Sunday.

QUOTE OF THE DAYScientists and physicists believe that thoughts are not just words in
your head; they actually become units of energy that radiate out from
you and affect your environment. Your thoughts largely influence your
physiology, attitudes, actions, and entire experience of life.
Thoughts also attract circumstances that resonate with their own
energies. -- Judith Richardson, M.A.


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