Monday, July 12, 2004

SATURDAY'S SEX BDSM NIGHT

Yes hubby and I played Dom/sub all day Saturday. Smackavillie did come over and we all had a good time no fights this time.
Playing DOM/sub was good we had a talk about how hard it is for me to give up control. How I have to say I want to do this but I want it this and this way. I place to much terms and conditions. Then I want to argue over things. See I told you I'd never be a good sub. I guess I'll always be a want to be. I got in trouble a lot for talking back Most of the things were silly to me but it did make me think more before I speak. I wish I'd do that more when we weren't playing.
We also talk about his first love. I don't mind talking about her because she committed suicide in he teens when he was away at college. You see I fault a lot of people who commit suicide but not her. She was disabled too, more than me but nit as much as him. I believe the reason she killed her self is because she was being sexually abused by a relative. She could stand on a chair normally but did to find an uncockable lost gun. She shouldn't have been able to do it but she did. I blame here at all in her position and I hope the molester feels guilt about it every day. Hubby and I both have suicide of a close loved one in common since my mom did too. Anyway a song came on that reminds him of her. We are nothing a like. She was thin and blonde. I'm fat and brunette. She was a nymthomanic I'm not. She was more touchy feely them me. I wish I was more but I was more but I wasn't brought up that way. He was telling me that she used to sing into his eyes and I never do. I know he loves me the way I am, And I rarely get jealous of her but talk about it after the DOM/sub talk and getting in trouble for talking back made me emotional and I started crying.
At the grocery store I was going to get some M&M's but Hubby called me. Normally I would have gone on to get the candy then gone to him but trying to be a good sub I went them. As A result I forgot to by my candy which ticked me off it was for eating the weekend he's gone. It was part of my fun when he's away. Oh well maybe we'll have a reason to go to the store before he leaves. I did get a new clear plastic cutting board though.
We played DOM/sub all afternoon but didn't have time for any activity until right before Smackavillie came over. Except for him standing me in the corner 1 minute for talking back when we were getting ready to go to the store.
He hot my breast with a flogger awhile just before Smackavillie showed up. Smack showed up late. We kept the TV off all day and just listened to music and visited. It was nice. I got spanked several times that night with my new cutting board and smacks hand. I played with Smack some and asked him to play with me. He did. It might be the first time he did in the living room in front of hubby. I don't think I came then though. Smack went in the bedroom to help me "make the bed" LOL. We do make the bed but usually do more to. LOL He used the vibrator on me a little bit and suddenly stop and said that enough for now. We went back in the living room with hubby. I got in trouble for some stupid stuff (like having dirty feet geez I took a shower just before we went to the store)and had to stand in the corner. The alarm for the beer went off so they let me out. Later when we ate for some reason I though a chip at each of them Smack spanked me and put me in the corner in the corner is a good real punishment for me since I like spanking. He made me eat the chips after they fell on the floor.
I told Smack about my fantasy about being popped with a towel. He got a dish towel and did it but it wasn't like I fantasized but then again what ever is. I want the corner to it one little spot but the whole towel hit. But It did hurt though. LOL.
Later in bed I gave hubby a blowjob while Smack played with me. This is normal. Then Smack and I went and lied on a blanket on the living room floor alone. This too is normal. I had talked to Smack before about my rape fantasy. I looked at him and asked what he'd do if I said I didn't want too. He said "we wouldn't do anything" He didn't get it. I tilted my head and smiled evilly said "oh" I thought he got it. When he started getting on top of me I said "no" He looked at me and Said "what" I had to give him the look again but he got it. Yes he "raped" me. I didn't fight as hard as I could have or should have. Maybe next time. I know if I had said "safeword" he would have stopped. I did have to stop him once cuz he was in the wrong hole again.(because I'm trying to get pregnant by hubby not him.) I didn't say safeword but I said his name and a tone where he knew I wasn't playing. I was on my back he held my hands down and raped my ass. My feet ended up on his chest a very hard position. I was about to say my feet but I guess "rapeing" me turned him on he came sooner than usual. I don't know what happen next but we laughed. I asked him to spank me some more and he did. But it was 4:15 AM. and Smack had a busy day the next day so I went off to bed. Smack always sleeps on the couch because even king size sleep number select comfort beds are made for two only. (We don't like the bed and plan to sell it when we pay it off. BTW I'm a 35 and hubby is a 45.) I woke up 4 hours later and Smack was gone which is normal too. Later hubby asked if I had a good time and I said yes and he even "raped" me. Hubby was happy for me. LOL
So that's it. That's how a sub day goes for me. I still didn't get enough spanking but I never do because I want to be sore and bruised the next day. I usually have enough sex but not always. I don't think I had enough. I guess I'll always be a want to be sub but I guess it as long as I have an open-minded hubby and third party to play with me some it's good.
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