Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Someone wrote this in my blog.
"Don't you want EVERYTHING Upstairs in Heaven? Everything possible and then SummoreSquared? Flying, roller-coaster-rides, skiing, fireworks, warmth, passion, friends... ? However, we FIRST need to repent to BE Upstairs when this brief candle of earthly life flickers-out."
This was my response
Last time I looked the Bible said not to judge people. You have no right to judge me. That's God's job not yours. I believe I will go to heaven because I except Jesus as my personal Savior and have been baptised. I do not feel bdsm is wrong with your spouse. Why Is enjoying pain wrong? No more wrong than enjoying sex. As for beening with more than one person. I'm not doing it behind my husband's back. I'm not cheating. And why is it wrong to love more than one person. I guess your problably one of those people who think nudity is wrong too. A nude body is Art, God's art. We would all be walking around nude now if it wasn't for sin. God make nudity wrong for guilt of man sin. He made us feel guilty for being nude. I don't feel guilty being nude or seeing nudity because I know that is how he orignally intended it. As for my sins I know I will pay for my sins but we all sin Even you. Let the one without sin cast the first stone.My relationship with God is between him and I no one else. So quit preaching to my and tend to you own business and sins.

Sunday, August 29, 2004

CHECK OUT MY NEW ART WORK/ challange to you/deviant art

Health:neck pain
Watching: closing ceremonies of the Olympics
Listening To:
Interest of the Day:photoshop, Sims 2
Recent Important Entries:
Links: About Me MY PERSONAL AD My Deviantart homepage My Art Work My Photos My Sims 2 Skins My Neopets Gallery My Buttercream cake Gallery My Deviant art Jounal My Dog Tia's page My Sticker page My pic Recent My bridal shot Our wedding portrait MY Baby(dog) Tia MY cat Cyber MY cat Callie
MY Gallery
CHECK OUT MY NEWARTWORK/challange to you/deviant art
I've still been enjoying photoshop. Check out my new art work The Bluest Eyes In Texas and Queen of Hearts. Deviant Art is so additive. Just browsing though pictures. I have a challenge for you. Go to the feature pics and their favorite pics and tell me you don't get hook browsing pic. Let me know if you take my challange. No one ever seems to comment any more.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Another very accurate test. Notice I got S&M not Submission which is a possible answer.Take the quiz: "What Is Your Kink?"

Pain is your thing. You probably are tattooed or pierced, or enjoy giving tattoos or piercings. You use unusual objects as sex toys. In the bedroom, you're wild and untamed! Your motto is Hurts so good!
Just a quick note
Mood: Obsessive compulsive
Health: ok
Weather: we've only had one day over 100 degrees this summer
Diet: lol
Acohol: yes but I know I'm not pregnant
Watching: nothing
Listening To: nothing
Interest of the Day: photoshop, sims 2, jounals
Recent Important Entries:
Links: About Me MY PERSONAL AD My Deviantart homepage My Art Work My Photos My Sims 2 Skins My Neopets Gallery My Buttercream cake Gallery My Deviant art Jounal My Dog Tia's page My Sticker page My pic Recent My bridal shot Our wedding portrait MY Baby(dog) Tia MY cat Cyber MY cat Callie
MY Gallery

First I just want to say I'm not pregnant this month. Oh well better luck next time. Second I'm having a great time with Sims 2 bodyshop and photoshop. Skinning my own clothes is fun. I added a link to where you can see the clothes I created here. You can also see my other photoshop creations here. My personal photos are Here. I also added my Neopets favorite stuff gallery here and my buttercream cake gallery here. And you can always find out everything about me here I made a few other changes in additions to my personal links and added them to my daily entry prest. Enjoy.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Mood: Having fun
Health: pretty good
Weather: nice
Diet: lol
Acohol: soon i don't think i'm pregnant. I'll have a few before we start trying again. Once I know for sure I'm not of course
Watching: oympics
Listening To:
Interest of the Day: Sims2 body shop, Sims 2, Sims 2 yahoogroups, Photohop, Roller Coaster Tycoon 1, 2, 3
Recent Important Entries:2 entries ago
SIMS 2 BODYSHOP(photoshop and obsessive compulsion too)
With exactly one month left until Sims 2 is release I went surfing for info on it yesterday. I had already downloaded the Sims 2 bodyshop and played with it a little but didn't have any download things in it so didn't much get into it. Well yesterday I found downloadable things for it. And as usual I got obsessed with it. (when I got in to sims 1 I had download every object, skin, house etc I could find. When I got into roller coaster Tycoon I had to download ever track, senerio, park I could find. When I got into photoshop I downloaded every filter, brush, style, action., texture, Etc. I could find. When I got into blogs I bookedmarked every bdsm blog I could find. When I got into Starting Over I joined every starting over Yahoogroup I could find. Any new interest I join all the yahoogroups I can find. Ok you get the picture I'm obsessive compulsive.) Anyway the sims 2 body shop allow you to make or download your Sim complete with different skin tones, hair style and color, eyeliner, eye shadow, blush, lipstick, costume make up,eye color, clothes, ( everyday, formal, pj's,sleepwear, swimwear, althic wear) hats, glasses, beard, eyebrows. You can change the shape and sizeof the face, brow, eyes, nose, mouth, and jaw. You can work with male, female, toddler, child, teen, adult, or elderly. There are tons of opitions you didn't have in the first on. Every since I started photoshop I knew how to skin(create clothes or faces or now all the other stuff using the .bmp files and photoshop or simalar program) but never tried. Today I created my first clothes. I took a nightshirt that was pre-made and put a photo of my dog on it. Then I took the same shirt and changed the colors of it. I exported them into the program and they worked fine. So now I'm a Skinner. I'm sure these files will import into the game when it comes out Sept. 17th. It's a lot of fun to play with without the game and is free. You can download it here at the sims site. Also you can download great hair, clothes, make-up, skin tones, etc here at the sims site and here at the sims resouces. The game will be about 50 bucks. I can't wait.
I've never like reading much. I mean reading is interesting but not really fun. Since I've become interested in something new I've decided to give up on some old hobbies. Reading BDSM Blogs, BDSM Yahoogroups, and Starting Over yahoogroups have been interesting but not that fun. I've been kind bored and depressed lately. I always feel like I have to get my mail and Blogs caught up. I had over 2000 pieces of mail. I need a change. I'm a creative person. I like games like Sims and Rollercoaster Tycoon were I can use my creativity to build and design. I like being creative in photoshop and learn it though tutorials. These things are fun to me. I haven't done any of these things since I got into bdsm blogs in March. I'm not good at having many interest at once. So I decided to stop reading blogs( I may read those of my friends that read mine when I can) and yahoogroups. I delete my 2000+ pieces of e-mail and put almost all my groups on no mail(I kepy the spankingtvmovie groups and paddled at school. No starting groups. I'll problably start them back up when the new season starts Sept. 13th.) I just hope you all understand why I won't be read blogs much anymore. I will keep writing on mine though. So please keep reading. I'll keep in informed in my search for a dom, my play with Smackavillie and Sir, whatever else I i'm up to. And of course I'll let you know if I get pregnant. I'm off to play now.
love buttercream

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

My best paddle is broke. It was a thick sold paddle. I can't believe it broke. I don't know if it was from the spanking Sir gave me with or something else like getting slammed in the drawer. I bet the spanking at least weakened it. I knew it was a hard one. Sir said it wasn't that hard. Now Hubby can't spank me. He can only use heavy things and that's all we had except a hair brush neither of us likes it as much. It's too light for him and too me it's more sting than impact. I preffer impact over sting. plus I don't expect it to last using it on a regular bases. We already broke one just like it. I do have a couple of other things but they hurt too much. I don't know when we can afford another or if another would be as good. Anyone got any suggestions on good ones and where to buy online. Please read my last post if you haven't already.

Sunday, August 15, 2004

Mood: pretty good
Health: pretty good
Weather: kinda cool for August
Diet: what diet????lol
Acohol: no trying to get pregnant
Watching: olympics Equestrian
Listening To:
Interest of the Day: olympics, reading mail
Recent Important Entries:08/09/04 A Dom for me?

No one asked me what happen when Sir came over. So I'm not sure if anyone wants to know but I'll write it anyway. He came over after only a week of IMing. I greet him nude(hubby was nude to. He knew to expect this he's a nudist too.) He had told me he was going to spank me as soon as he walked though the dog. But he didn't. He told me later he had planned on it but I got upstaged. He got distracted by my 5 lbs. deer chihuahua, Tia. Upstaged by a dog. DAMN! Well who could help it she's a cutie. Yep he was busy talking to and petting her. He soon got undressed too and we sat down to chat. After an hour or so of chatting with us on oppisites ends of the couch and the dog between us he looked at me and said"you know you can sit closer". I laughed, moved the dog , and moved over. He had his arm around me. I had my hand on his thigh. They started sports and I started snoring. Sir gave me a little swat on my arm and I giggled. Later he grabbed my hair for some reason but don't remember why. After awhile my hand found his penis. And then later my mouth found it. I decided to put hubbys feet petal on so i could get to his penis too. I had been asking for a spanking but to no avail. As I was putting Hubby's feet petal on my butt was toward Sir. I suddenly felt a hard whack. LOL That took me by suprise. After some more swats we decided to take it to the bedroom, so we all three went to the bedroom. I got hubby in bed and started giving him a BJ. Sir started Spanking me hard with his hand. It's hard to conscentrate on giving a bj when being hit hard. After a while of this he got the paddle then the flogger and started hitting hard. Man does he not believe in warm ups or sensual spanking? LOL I have to say that was one of the hardest longest spanking I ever got. I was sore 2 days after. I've never been that sore , that long before it was great lol. At one point he leaned over and said something about me sharing my toys and started sucking hubby. I said I like sharing my toys. he grabbed and pulled my hair alot. I like it but it seemed different then when Smack did it. He played with my clit and fingered my pussy and ass. It was nice but I didn't cum. It takes me a few times with a person to get comfortable enough to cum with them. Hubby came then I started sucking him. After awhile we heard hubby snoring and moved to the living room. I sucked him more. It was differnt cause he's thicker than most guys I've been with. He also had more control over me than I'm used to but I liked it. I soon had it all in my mouth. After awhile we got a condom and had anal sex. Actully it didn't work to well cuz he said I was tight. And he didn't realize I could do dog style on he floor which workes better. But it work well enough since he did cum lol. Well at that point it was getting late he had to go :(. So that's the story. We had fun.
Found these next two thing on D`Anerah 's page

What is the middle name of the first person you ever slept with?Uh..... Geeez I don't know
What kind of underwear are you wearing and what color?white cotton granny panties. I go for comfort
What is the song you want played at your funeral?Amazing Grace, I needed you. Ann Murray
What would your last meal be before getting executed?pizza(white scilian garlic butter instead of tomato paste wth pepperoni, chedder,itiaian sauage, breakfast bacon, shrimp and chicken) pasta (with shrimp, chicken, mushrooms, broccli, and little smokies), fried chicken. fried mushrooms buttercream and chocalate icing(you can keep the cake),a steak, Ben and Jerry'sEverything but the... and twice baked ice cream with cool whip and chocalate syrup. A milky way and plain M&M's. A diet Dr. Pepper ans 7 or 8 beers. I guess that's enough. Then I wouldn't have to be excuted I'd either have a heart attack ot just POP.
Beatles or Stones?Beatles
If you had to pick one person on earth who should die, who would it be?old people who want to die
The person whose problems you would never want to hear again?my aunt by marriage
What is the thing most important to you (as far as physical) about the preferred sex?eyes and a smile
If you could have any super power what would it be?The power to make hubby and I not disabiled or overweightand contoranist so he could phyically control me and we could have great sex
Favorite hangover cure?more sleep
How many drinks does it take to get you drunk?7 or 8
If you had to be: blind or deaf?deaf
Do you have any psychiatric problems?not dianonied with anything but pretty sure I have Depression , obessive compulsive disorder, socialphobia and what I call Jobaphobia
Siblings that should go to rehab?i have none
Least favorite month?December
First movie you can remember seeing as a kid?I don't remember
Favorite person in the whole world?my Hubby
When's the last time you went on a date?In june Hubby and I still go on dates
Do you like violent movies or dirty movies?dirty
Fall or spring?both are nice
Person you most wish you hadn't made out with?I don'y remember his name
If you are straight, what person of the same sex would you do it with?Finola Hughes, Kate Mulgrew Demi Moore,
Where do you want to live when you are old and brittle?Heaven
Who is the person you can count on most?my Hubby
If you could date any celebrity past or present, time and age are not factorsMicheal Landon, John Stamos, Robert Duvull,Brad Pitt
What books have you pretended you've read?none
What's a word you would use to describe your life?lazy
Favorite drinking game?none
What did you dream last night?I don't remember it but i know it had a bad meaning so I'm glad I don't remember it.
Favorite bands?Little Texas, Little River Band, Rascel Flatts, beatles
I don't really like this test. I don't believe I will go to hell even though I do believe you will have to account for your sins and "pay" for them. But I believe if you believe in Jesus and are baptized you will go to heaven. I'm not sure I even understand the results of it. I guess I think it's kinda stupid quiz but here are my results anyway.
The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Low
Level 2 (Lustful)High
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)Moderate
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)High
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)High
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Moderate

Take the Dante's" Divine Comedy Inferno Test

Friday, August 13, 2004

Just talked to Sir. Things MAY work out now still need talk more but he's having pc trouble so we can't talk until monday. Gotta go watching the opening cermonies of the olympics.
And Australia* winks at Aiyana and D`Anerah*

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Lately, it seems my sis-in-law and three friends have been going though alot as well as I. I've been very emotional about what they have been going though too. I've cryed for them. It's something I usually don't do. Next to their problems mine seem so trival. I mean why can't I just be greatful I have a wonderful loving man. And a friend(Smackavillie) that will play rough with me. And just be greatful hubby lets us play. Why must I seeek another. A dom type. Yes hubby wants someone to have fun with too but It's not as important to him. I'm sure he'd be happy if I never looked again. I think he says it's ok so he can keep me and keep me happy. I feel guilty for needing more. Some people have no one. Others are in abusive realationships. Why can't I just be happy with what I have? I guess I'm just selfish. I hurt tonight for me and my friends.

Mood: Still depressed
Health:back and neck p ain is better but still there. now I have a sore thoat and feel blah.
Weather: cool for August
Diet: fuck it. We had some fried king fish hubby caught on his trip. yummmy
Acohol:none trying to get pregnant. could use some now.
Watching: Little House on the Praire
Listening To:
Interest of the Day:not to interested in much
Recent Important Entries:i don't think anyone really cares

Still kinda depressed. I'm not sure certain things are going to work out. But I'm not sure. Silence is not always golden. I try to be patient but get tried of waiting for answers. I'm not sure our wants match. I try to explain but I'm just not sure it's wanted or understood. But at least I have hubby and smackavillie. But they just don't understand my needs or are unable to act upon them.

I want to give a few people personal messages here.
Mrs. S- When I wrote my last post I did think about you. I knew I had you as a friend too. I just choose to admit it because I was upset. You are a ture friend online and off. I'm so thankful that you love and except me for who I and know about the things this blog is about. I'm glad your open minded enough to read it. Hubby and I will sure miss you and your hubby when your gone.

Aiyana and D`Anerah. You two have been great friends. I know you both have been though alot. So I understand when you two can't comment. You're been there for me just as much as I've tried to be for you. Thanks for your friendship.

Nikki- thanks for your comments and support.
Invida-I'm sure your not reading this cuz you have such limited computer time down there and I understand you being around but I'm wondering How is Argentina?

Confused- thanks for your friendship. I've been missing you lately.

Ckin--I thought you were my "biggest fan" where are you know.

Hubby- I love you. Your the most important person in my life. And always will be next to any children we may have someday.

Smackavillie- been appreciating you more lately.

Sir-please IM me after you read this.

And eveyone else that keeps coming back to read this--- Thanks for coming back. I know you all have reasons for not commenting but feedback is always a great thing. But I am thankful anyway for you just reading.

I just want to close by saying one of the best sweetest thing in the world is a little tiny 5 lbs deer chihuahua curled up in my lap. I love you tiny little Tia. Tia Tia tortilla.

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

I'm sitting here with tears on my glasses tonight. I feel so lonely sometimes. I've got hubby but that's all I got. I'm so sick of one sided relationships, one side conversations and people who say they will do things with the best of intentions but don't.
Example 1: My mother in law. She say we never call her. We do from time to time but why the hell can't she call us. It takes to parties to make any relationship work(rather it parent/child, siblings, friends, spouses, boyfriend/girlfriend, or Dom/sub. Is there some rule somewhere that says the child must call the parent? My step father in law thinks so. We call he lots more often then she calls us.
Example 2: my uncle and aunt. Remember how up set I was at my birthday when they couldn't come cause it was fathers day. Well hell I'm family too but I have no father. I invited them all to come. They could of all came. They could have made their BBQ a little later. But NO. I see the twice a year Thanksgiving and X-mas. Then sometimes they come to hubby and my birthdays. So that's 4 times a yeat at most. I called my uncle and told him how I felt. And what did he say."you're right. this getting together twice a year ain't cutting it. We'll have a BBQ in the next 6 weeks". I wanted to do it in six weeks so they could see my red hair. And here it is 7 weeks later. I have not gotten a single phone call, e-mail or nothing. They never call me I have to call them so I seldom do. I have family in flordia they never call. I'm close to one uncle he calls but mostly to tell my about a game or computer thing he got or to get help on the pc. I could easily walk (or move) away from my family and the relationship wouldn't change.
Example 3: Hubby's friend working on the house. He had the best of intentions of doing tons of stuff. I was anxious for him to put intillation in the rooms so i could get them ready for if we have a baby. I told him that. he said"if you got pregnant we have 9 whole months" Now he's saying he ain't going to do much until after football season(he couchesI guess). So if I had gotten pregnant the night he said that by the time football season would be over i'd be about due or not had it.
I have no family. No friends of my own. All of our friends are really his friends except for 2. He gets to go fishing for a weekend or deer hunting while I sit at home. Even if I got a job(or other Social activity) it wouldn't gauntee I'd make ture friends. I have interenet friends but once again I IM them. They never IM me. I write in there blogs but rarely here from them on mine. I know a few of them have a lot of bad things going on. I just feel like I have no family and friends sometimes.I got jamie, his sister, his niece, Smackavillie and maybe Sir(if things continue to work out). And no one hardly comments here either so this feels so pointless. I feel lonely and hurt.

Monday, August 09, 2004

A DOM FOR ME?/more personality quizzes

Mood:mmmmmmmm pretty good mostly
Health:Neck and Back pain ack!
Acohol:none trying to get pregnant.
Watching: Little House on the praire
Listening To:
Interest of the Day:Talk to my dom friend :) ususal stuff
Recent Important Entries:who cares


I'm not sure why I'm writing this since it seems alot of my old friends has deserted me and only one person bother to ask my I sighed in the last post. Maybe no one cares about what I write. Oh well. Maybe it's going to get more interesting now LOL.
I told you awhile back that I was talking to some Doms I was interested in meeting. Well, one i haven't heard from in a long time, One we invited over and he said he'd come over. but soon stopped contact with me without a word. But there was one more. This one I'll call Sir.*waves to Sir*(I know creative name huh? I'm not really calling him Sir yet though.Unforantly. LOL) Anyway this one was the most fun to talk to and more intelligent( i like guys smarter, older and slightly bigger than me or my size. He pretty much fits that lol.) He can debate about anything. Every since we started talking we've talk almost non stop. He dose have bi experience so hubby can get in on the fun. Anyway after talking some much we decided to invite him over. He came over Wesnday. Would anyone like to know what happen?????????
personality tests
Your soul is bound to the Burning Rose: The
"I go where my heart beckons me, and I go
with my head high. But sometimes, I get a
until I bleed so my heart swims above my

The Burning Rose is associated with passion,
intensity, and desire. It is governed by
god Eros and its sign is The Flame, or Physical
As a Burning Rose, you can get lost in the moment
if you let yourself. You are a very
person, be it in relationships, work, or play.
You may be driven by your hormones
but you know it's because you have to follow
your instinct.

Saturday, August 07, 2004

*Shrugs and sighs*..............................................................

Thursday, August 05, 2004

Air-conditioner broke! burning up! *pant* *pant* *sizzle* *sizzle* * sigh* only got less than 2 hours sleep.

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