Saturday, February 26, 2005

What's going on /Depression / respect/ smackavillie

Mood: depressed
Health: same
Weather: rainy
Diet: starting my diet mon. or tues.
Acohol: none trying to get pregnant again
Watching: blue collar tv
Listening To: Interest of the Day: too many
Recent Important Entries:
Links: About Me MY PERSONAL AD My Deviantart homepage My Art Work My Photos My Sims 2 Skins My Neopets Gallery My Buttercream cake Gallery My Deviant art Jounal My Dog Tia's page My Sticker page My pic Recent My bridal shot Our wedding portrait MY Baby(dog) Tia MY cat Cyber MY cat Callie MY Gallery
Just wanted to thank everyone that wrote me saying their still here. I've been so busy I haven't been able to write. I've at to redo my PC from scratch, Mr. And Mrs. S. Stayed until Jan. 30th, Hubbys boss a good friend of ours had surgery, my niece had minor surgery, my mother in law had major surgery, my grandmother in law went in the hospital, Smackavillie came over and embrassed us in front of hubby's uncle, my foot and back has been hurting some, went out for valentines day, been pigging out, getting ready to go on my diet, do a self improvement program, clean the house, finsh the rooms, and start exercising. oh and after 3 month of not trying we started trying for a baby again. So yeah I've got alot going on my mind.
I've been depressed lately. I'm not sure why but could be many things. I though if I keep a record of the symtoms and possible causes may be I can find some similarities. So here is the symtoms and possible causes.
Bad self talk
Bad mood
Amy dreams
School dreams
Possible causes
Starting diet
Starting rooms
Mom being in the hospital
Mamaw being in the hospital
Smack being an ass in front of Uncle and Mr. And Mrs. S
Confronting Smack
Anniversary of mom’s death
No job
No life
Tired of redoing computer
Messy house
Feel sick cause too full


Like I said earlier Smackavillie can over and embrasses me in front of Hubby's uncle. It's time to have a serious talk again. I'm doing the talking this time. And It will be the last time. If it happen again that's it. You can figure out what happen by all the points I wrote down to talk to him about below. I started a self help program. The first thing was being true to yourself. Hubby thinks I need to talk to him by myself. To see if he respects what I have to say. It's all about respect.

here's the points say I diss you, hurt you feelings, ask how I can do this to you, shame me, and give me a guilt trip making me feel like a terrible person when I tell you my feeling about how you act or I think you will act then you turn around and prove me right.
2.You talked to hubby and not me when you called to say sorry. You kissed his ass not mine.
3. You always seem to be talking to me not hubby. You say he lets you sleep with his wife. Well guess what I let you sleep with his wife too. You sometimes say you don’t understand me but you don’t seem to care if you understand me or not. You belittle me as if what I say is not important. Sometimes I wonder if It’s just me you disrespect or all women. What I have to and how I feel is just as important as what both of you have to say. It just seems you don’t respect me. It was actually hubby who pointed out that you don’t seem to respect me, I realize he’s right.
4. If I say something you don’t take it seriously but if hubby says the same thing you respected it and take it serious.
5.You didn’t respect Mr. and Mrs. S when they were here. You got in dressed in front of the making the uncomfortable. How would you like if I came over your house and got undressed in front of you parents.
6. When talk with you about Mr. and Mrs. S coming I got upset cuz you acted like they were inconveniencing you. Like they didn’t belong here. They belong here as our friends/guest as much as you. Mrs. S has been our friend longer than you have. The comment you made about her having sleeping with you to stay here really pissed me off even though I know you were kidding. Why should she sleep with you if she HAD TO slept with anyone to stay here it would be Hubby or me. It had nothing to do with you. Not everything has to do with you. You’re not the center of the universe. You should respect them cuz they are our friends.
7.with Uncle you were saying you were going to fuck his ass, slapping his back, eating off his plate, using the N words like crazy and talking about racism. It was all inappropriate. Some people don’t like touched, or eat after people. Yet you always act like your these people best friends and like you’re known them all you life. It makes people uncomfrontable. I’ve never heard a swear would or a rasist remark come from Uncle. The way you talked to him embrassed me. I pulled him aside crying and saying I was sorry for how you were acting.
8.You should respect ALL our friends and family. Just like we would respect your friends and family. How would you feeling if I went to meet your mom and dad and started taking about racism, using the n words, eating off their plates, touching them all the time, getting undress in front of them, saying I was going to fuck their asses.
9, that night you were here you said you didn’t care that you were going to have intercourse with me that night. You said you were really gonna rape me. When you know that’s the one rule. How is that respecting our wishes.
10. That night I asked you not to give me a hickey and as soon as I said it you did. That’s not respecting our wishes.
11.Hubby asked you not to sit on the chair arm but you turned right around and did it again.
12 you poured hubby pee fron his urinal down the sink. Hubby's puts is tooth brush in that sink and wouldn’t brush his teeth the next day without me cleaning real good. Would you have wanted to put your tooth brush in it?
13. Nights like with Mr. and Mrs S,and Uncle that I feel ashamed and embrassed to call you my friend. Do we just never invite you over when no one else is here. I don’t want to hide you. I want my friends and family to get to know you. But I’m not sure that’s possible.
14. don’t use being drunk as an excuse. If that was a good excuse you could go out and get drunk them murder someone and get off scott free. But you can’t there you can’t here.\
15. Hubby has had this talk before now I am. We can’t keep doing this. If we get to the point were we feel we have to talk about it all again it’s over three strikes and it over. I have to be true to my self and respect myself. But dealing with this over and over is not doing that.

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