Saturday, April 02, 2005

check in

Mood: depressed
Health: pain in my foot and arm
Weather: beautiful but who cares
Diet: sick of dieting even though i suck at it
Acohol: no but i want a beer
Watching: coverage of pope john paul death
Listening To:
Interest of the Day:
Recent Important Entries:
Links: About Me MY PERSONAL AD My Deviantart homepage My Art Work My Photos My Sims 2 Skins My Neopets Gallery My Buttercream cake Gallery My Deviant art Jounal My Dog Tia's page My Sticker page My pic Recent My bridal shot Our wedding portrait MY Baby(dog) Tia MY cat Cyber MY cat Callie
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I'm tired of being in pain. First my low back is herinated the my neck, but I've accept this having bad days and good days with them But then i hurt my foot X-mas and it's not well yet then I hurt my arm a few weeks ago. I tell my hubby that maybe I need to go to the dr. He says we don't have the money, them he say i can if we don't take the dog to vet and go out for our nice once every few months dinner. Let's see the doctor cost 30 buck medicine about fourty. The vet and dinner cost 200 hundred together. So we can't do either of the 200 dollor thing cuz we have to spend 70 dollars. I don't see the logic. Cuz I need to go to the dr cancel everything. Geez, I've gave up alot lately. Sims2 has a new game out I have always gotten all the sims and roller coaster tycoon stuff as soon as it comes out but not this time. I find books on I want for .75 cent and tell him but can't get them. But he gets to go on his 120 dollar fishing trip.We always seem to fight when I'm hurting. He has no compassion I don't think. He did when we first met and he does to others but It seems he doesn't to me.Mostly we fight about money. We don't ever have the money for anything yet he thinks we can afford a baby. How??? We both want one but...
I'm kinda tired of him tired of the same old respones. I say i'm in pain he says kiddingly sarcastic "do you need to go to the hospital" every time. I didn't used to be so sarcastic and pessimmistic before we met.I didn't used to have such a temper. Our negitive traits rub off on each other. We bring out the worse in each other. Don't get me wrong. We love each other and enjoy each others company. We laugh alot together. But as all married couples do we have our fights especilly since we are together 24/7 unlike most couples.
I seem to spend all my spare time reading mail. Mostly starting over mail but I get nothing down. I'm 1193 piece behind. Yet I join other e-mail groups I'll never read. I hate being obsessive. Maybe It's time to put starting over mail and self help mail aside and do something else like play sims2 or Roller coaster Tycoon 3 which I never hardly play but I still want the expansion packs. Or do Photoshop I've got tons of books and tutorials I can do. But I love starting Over and want to improve my self.

my problems are so minor compared to alot of you. I need to get a life.
I'm tired of pain.
I'm tired of money problems.
I'm tired of fighting with hubby.
I'm tired of hubby(sometimes).
I'm tired of my feelings.
I'm tired of my inner voice.
I'm tired of my self
I'm tired of reading mail yet i still want too
I'm tired of being obsessive.
I'm tired of being selfish(i'm working on it)
I'm tired of being lazy(i'm working on it)
I'm tired of being immature.(i'm working on it)
I'm tired of dieting even though I'm sucking at it
I'm tired of the dog running out said after I tell her to wait.
I'm tired of writing this stupid thing.
I'm tired of pms.

Oh yes I bet all this stupid letter is just PMS. That's why I'm in such a bad mood. I'll problably start my period soon so I'm not pregnant. I'm not sure if that's good or bad sometimes. I'm sorry. Sorry I'm so depressed. I'll be better in a few days. As I write this I'm afraid to post it. I'm afraid that someone will tell me I shouldn't have a baby. But that will crush me like it did before. I'm just depressed with pms. It doesn't mean I shouldn't have a baby. No, We don't have the money for it but neither does many others. If you wait until you can afford it it will never happen. I'm 34 and hubby is 43. Time is running out. At least we have a home that's ours. I love my hubby and I treasure my dog(even if she does disobey sometimes). LOL She's stubborn like her momma.

I'll shut up now. Thanks for listening.
I miss hearing about what's going on in your life. Take care and I hope you are well.
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